My Respect to Aunt Dot and Uncle Frank

When I got home tonight and listened to the answering machine tonight, I knew something was wrong. My mother's voice: "Donna, this is your mother. Call me as soon as you get home." It sounded serious. I wondered why she did not call me on my cell phone, but noted that at the time of her call I was conducting a premarital counseling class.

When I called my mother back and first heard her voice, I had the feeling she was going to tell me of the death of her best friend from high school with whom she has continued a friendship nearly 70 years. That was my gut feeling from her tone. She recently spoke of the friend's declining health. Instead she told me that a couple with whom my parents have been friends for many years had been in a car accident. I called this couple Aunt Dot and Uncle Frank, but they were not actually blood relatives. Aunt Dot and my father had been friends since childhood. They grew up in the same church. When each of them married, their spouses went to the same church. So my parents and Aunt Dot and Uncle Frank all became close friends. Both couples moved from Woodlawn to the South East Lake / Roebuck area. Aunt Dot and Uncle Frank's daughters were the same ages as my middle siblings. We all went to the same high school. Our families remained close. When our home church closed, we kept in touch, even though we not longer attended the same church. A bonus of the Methodist church being a connectional church is that we could easily keep each with each other at district events or I could ask their pastor about them. Or because it is a small world, a friend at HUMC discovered that his walking buddy at the mall, who attended Trussville UMC had known me all of my life because of West Woodlawn UMC.

Sadly, Aunt Dot some how lost control of the vehicle she was driving yesterday and hit a tree. As a result, both Aunt Dot and Uncle Frank died. Tonight when I was looking at the Bham News blog regarding the accident, I noted bickering breaking out in the comments section. This seemed to arise from some one's comment that if there was a silver lining is was that they went together. I do not take offense to such a comment, but someone did and an argument started. I do not know what all was said because some comments had been removed as offensive by the time I read the blog. But I thought it was very sad that people who did not even know this couple were passionately arguing over whether there was a silver lining in the event.

Here's my take. Two people who had been married for many years, who had two daughters and two grandchildren, who were active in the church, who were hard-working, fine Christian people died at the same time. They lived together. They served together. They died together. It makes it very difficult for their daughters and grandchildren. But as one person commented, the way they died together is like the end of some romantic movie. It is bittersweet.

No mater what your take on this, my Aunt Dot and Uncle Frank deserve more respect than for total strangers to get in a childish name-calling argument on a blog reporting their death.

So here is to two lives well-spent.

Does Anyone Really Understand Marriage

I have recently had two friends whose weddings were called off within two weeks of the scheduled date. Both called off by the groom-to-be. Both men initially said they still loved and wanted to be involved with the bride-to-be; they just did not want to marry them. One wonders why they got engaged in the first place.

I have another friend who does not want to be with their spouse, but they apparently want to stay married to them. They do not want to live in the same household. They dread spending time with their spouse. They resent almost everything their spouse does. But they do not believe it would be right to divorce them.

So some people want to be with someone, even live with someone; they just don't want to be married. Others don't want to spend time or live with a person, but feel they need to stay legally married.

What do these people think marriage is? One definition is a legally recognized relationship, established by a civil or religious ceremony, between two people who intend to live together as sexual and domestic partners. Simplistically, I would ask why would you want to stay married to someone with whom you no longer share a sexual relationship, common interests or even live in the same house? And why would people want to purchase a house together, live as sexual and domestic partners, but deny one partner the marriage contract with which they would feel more comfortable.

I realize that there are some financial or security benefits to staying legally married even if you no longer live together. And I understand that on the other side of the coin some people are just opposed to the legality or formality of marriage. I understand that some people have a true commitment without feeling the need for "a piece of paper."

I know there are some couples who wish they could have that legal option to be with their domestic partner. Interesting that one of the first gay couples to get married in California when it became legal had been committed without the legality for several decades. Interesting that gay couples fight hard for the right to marry their partner.

So what makes a marriage? Is it the commitment that is important? The legal documentation? The wedding ceremony?

I don't have a real point here. Just thoughts that have come to mind while observing recent events. And people wonder why I have never re-married. People have some *%#&$! up ideas about marriage.

And Lead Us Not Into Temptation

Last Sunday I gave Tim the day off for Father's Day. I preached a sermon in a series about the Lord's Prayer. To be honest, this was one of the times I would have to agree with the critics who say I cannot preach. It just didn't seem to flow the way I thought it should. People were complimentary as they left the church. People said they liked the Pinocchio analogy. But I still wondered what I could have done better.

I had a good intro. Chris played the video of a 2-year-old singing The Lord's Prayer that is the popular now. That was the perfect lead in to my opening of: A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end. . . "And lead us not into temptation", she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen.” Cute story. But how true that we understand email more than we recognize evil. Today we consider the final petition of the Lord’s Prayer which is two-fold; Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. . .

I got good feedback: Nodding heads when I pointed out that some of us have been reciting the prayer for years, others are just learning it, but what is important is that we learn to live it. Chuckles when a picture of Pinocchio and Jiminy Cricket came on the screen as I said this is what came to mind when I thought about examples of temptation. We reviewed the Blue Fairy telling Pinocchio he must learn to choose between right and wrong and how she and Jiminy Cricket told Pinocchio about a conscience and Jiminy warned Pinocchio that the world is full of temptation. Everyone still seemed to be with me when I noted that if a wooden dummy like Pinocchio can learn from his mistakes and listen to a less-than-perfect cricket, surely we can learn the lessons Jesus showed us through his prayer.

But as I moved on to talk about the types of temptations and why we are tempted, I just did not feel like the message was flowing as well as it should for all the time I spent working on this. Was I really being the vessel for God's message? Or was I just babbling Donna crap?

Maybe I was just being overly sensitive because I had read the letters from a couple who said I could not preach. Tim assured me that it was a good sermon, but suggested that maybe it didn't feel the same to me because it was more of a teaching sermon than an inspirational sermon. A very close friend suggested that maybe I felt rushed because recognition of fathers and other parts of worship gave me a late start. But I have to question if it was not because it seems hypocritical to preach on overcoming temptation when, in fact, I often seem to give in to it.

As Christians, we are in a constant fight with the desires of our sinful natures. We constantly need God's guidance to keep our needs and desires in proper balance. I can preach that, but I am not sure I live it. Just the fact that I have gained a stone in the last year should tell you that I have given into temptation. But my lack of willpower with regard to food is not the only area in which I feel I have failed to be the best person I could possibly be.

I struggle every day. Almost everyone does. So here is one point I made Sunday. Jesus' example did not say 'lead ME not into temptation,' but rather 'lead US not into temptation.' I pointed out that Pinocchio had a fairy and a cricket. We have the example of Jesus, the grace of God and the guidance of the Holy Spirit standing ready to help us resist temptation AND we have the support of other Christians. So remember to support your friends. Pray for them. Help them stay on the right path. Because it is hard to resist temptation by yourself.

How Donna Got Her Groove Back

Hello. My name is Donna and I am an addict. I thought I had outgrown my habit and have stayed out of it for a while. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I fell back into it. My addiction? Youth and children's ministries.

Friday night when I found myself sitting in the middle of a parking lot with youth from church, I knew I was back. Not sitting in a car in the parking lot. Sitting on the ground in the middle of the parking lot talking about baptism, confirmation, youth trips, youth fund-raising. It was so natural. It is who I am.

Now, I will admit that I am not entirely sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I really felt like I was back in my groove just being with these youth. One could argue that this is a good thing. I have had gentlemen friends in the past express concern that I spend too much time with youth. And I usually think they just don't understand me at all. But this weekend I realized that I need have to balance things differently for this church gig.

When I did youth work before, it was my main church responsibility. Youth work came before becoming clergy. By the time I was clergy, I had passed the youth torch for the most part. I was still around and actively involved in youth ministry, but someone else was "in charge" of the youth and I was transitioning into the college and young adult program. And as one of several clergy on staff, I did was not in the black robe every weekend.

Now I need to continue my associate pastor responsibilities, oversee children and youth programs, while not neglecting my "real" job in the law office or my personal life. News flash: I have a personal life. And a "real" job. But I find that I get more and more calls and e-mails related to the church when I am at the law office. And at least twice this week, someone special to me has had to wait for me longer than expected while I have been handling church stuff.

Someone once reported that I have a passion for children and youth. At the time I wondered if I really had a passion for young people generally or if the passion was just for a particular group of children and youth to whom I had become close. I guess the answer is that I generally have a passion for youth and children's ministry. I have always said that I have been able to be good at this calling because, being single, I have been readily available to children and youth. Maybe rather than being availalbe because I am single, I am single because I am often willing to be available for the kids.

I am working on getting into my balanced groove because I love doing student ministry, I love most aspects of my "real" job and I love my family and friends who also need my time.

Things are starting to groove as we just completed VBS, we are planning youth week, we created a children's council who met tonight and planned some great summer events. A family weekend is planned. People are on board for working together to carry out student ministry. And the plans are for true worshipful ministries - not just having a youth group or babysitting children.

Yes - exciting things are happening. Come groove with us.

You Can't Preach or Dress

This week has been pretty much a soap opera within our church conference. This is the normal time of year for change, but this year there have been several unexpected last minute changes that have caused much concern. For my friends who have been effected by these changes, I am truly sorry. We all know and accept the system of year to year appointments. We know that there is always a chance we will be moved. But that does not really make it any easier when the move is not your idea. And whether your church eliminates your appointment (basically firing you before they realize what they have done) or the bishop believes your gifts are needed elsewhere (which could be considered a compliment), moving from a church you love is heartbreaking.

I know this firsthand. I had been a member of HUMC for over a decade when I "accepted my calling" and became a Methodist minister. I pursued clergy candidacy with the vision that I could do more with the youth ministry with which I was already actively involved. MY plan was to stay at HUMC and continue working with youth and college age. I would just be better trained to do so. Apparently not everyone agreed with that plan. The powers that be at HUMC moved me more to college and young adults ministries, eventually herding me away from working with the youth. It wasn't long before they decided HUMC did not need a minister devoted to young adults, thus eliminating my appointment. Because an appointment is required for me to keep my pastor's license, I had to take an appointment at another church and move. [note to Kevin - I realize that am too close to be objective, but perhaps the bishop, who is certainly focused on atracting and keeping young adults in the Methodist church, would think a church that would eliminate a young adult minister and drop the youth director from a full-time to part-time position does not particularly care about its future.]

My move last year meant a lot of adjusting. Instead of being one of several clergy on staff, I became the newly added second pastor. I did not realize it when I first arrived, but there was a group within the new church that were opposed to adding this position. Although Moody is a growing community and church attendence has steadily increased over the last several years, there are those who feel an associate pastor is a waste of money. Some are further opposed to the fact that I am female. I understand that there are some that left the church in protest to my appointment. Now I want to point out that the group represents only a small percentage of the congregation. Most of the opposition does not seem particulary personal - it is the position of associate pastor or the general idea of female clergy to which they are opposed. Some people just want to get rid of the entire staff (clergy and laity) and start all over (with puppets, I mean people, the will be able to control).

So in good Methodist tradition, there have been letters to the staff parish relations committee and even to the DS (now former DS) outlining the reasons the clergy need new appointments. The letters last fall really seemed to target the senior pastor, with only passing, general comments about the unnecessary associate pastor they felt they could not afford. Meetings with SPRC and the DS failed to get the results this small group desired. You can imagine their dismay when the senior pastor and associate pastor were to be re-appointed to MUMC for another year. So they wrote more letters. They did not really have anything new about which they could complain. No new evidence to substantiate their claim that their clergy needed to be moved. So they resorted to mean-spirited, playground name-calling type tactics. I found it ironic that the letters that reported that the senior pastor could not speak well were laden with grammatical errors. These people criticized the senior pastor on all kinds of letters. Despite the vows members take to support the church with their presence, prayers, gifts and service, these members threatened to withhold these until such time a new pastor is appointed.

But enough about all the mean things they said about him. After all this blog is about me. I can deal with the generic "we don't need an associate pastor" letters. The "exactly what does she do to earn her pay? how many hours does she work?" letter make me chuckle. However, there was one letter that included personal attacks. While I admit the comments bothered me, they truly pissed off some people who love me. According to one couple at MUMC, they do not need me. I cannot preach. According to some people who know me, I came out of the choir at my old church. (OK - if any of you know what that is supposed to mean, please let me know.) And my attire is not appropriate for the pulpit. I would like to point out here that I wear a black robe in the pulpit. Perhaps my robe is too sexy because I selected the robe specifically cut for the female body. It does have a nice velvet trim. I normally wear black or grey clothes under the robe. I always wear black shoes with my robe. I would love to ask them what they want me to wear if a black clergy robe is not appropriate in their eyes.

I realize the "she can't preach" comment should rate a much bigger response from me than the inappropriate dress comment. Let me say that is does hurt my feelings ,but I cannot defend my preaching as well as I can my robe. I am fairly inexperienced at delivering a sermon. I know I have room for improvement. But I also know that of the handful of sermons I have delivered in the past year, they have been noticably absent for most of them. I am not sure they can accurately judge what they have not heard. So while their opinion that I cannot preach really drew responses from other people, I will just accept it as a challenge to continue to improve.

I am reminded that these people did not call me to be their pastor, God did. While my plan was to become a minister to continue my work with youth at HUMC, and I suspect that someone manipulated the system to have me moved in order to carry out their personal plan, I can see now how all of this worked in God's plan. Since arriving at MUMC, there have been several changes in the staff. At a recent SPRC meeting, someone commented that God sent me to MUMC almost a year ago so that I would be in place when the need arose for someone with experience with youth and children's ministry. God prepared us all for a time such as this. God provided for a smooth transition and the youth and children did not lack leadership when the director of student mininstries resigned. It is no accident that God put together the current diverse staff that could work together to lead worship Sunday morning when the senior pastor was rushed to ER and admitted to hospital on a Saturday night. God sent me to MUMC, so I will try to do things the way he leads me and try to ignore those who don't like my gender, my preaching style, my black-robed attire or the fact that I once sang in a choir.

THANK GOD FOR MY "NORMAL" MOTHER

As I grew up, I assumed my family was normal. My parents are married to each other. All of my siblings are my whole siblings - no halfs or steps. We had a very stable life. We all grew up in the same house, attended the same school and the same church all of our childhood. But as I grew older, I realized that all of this was not really the norm. The stability my parents provided is more rare than I realized. Death, divorce, drugs, alcohol, abuse disrupted the childhoods of many of my friends.

Yesterday we celebrated Mother's Day. A beautiful day to visit my parents at the lake. My day started out kind of rough. I have a great mother. My daughter - not so great. So instead of having help getting everything ready for the day, I was trying to get stuff ready for church and load everything so I could go straight to the lake after church.

I did not attend church on Mother's Day until I started working at a church. In my childhood and early adult life, we usually spent Mother's Day (and Father's Day) at the lake. My parents did not like the way churches handle the honoring of parents on these special days. Although it is great to honor the oldest, youngest and most fertile parents, these days can be difficult for women whose desire to have children has never been fulfilled or who have lost a child. It is also hard on those who have lost their mother. For months I have made my concern about how we honor mothers heard at every possible opportunity, so Tim decided that I could be the one who honored the mothers in the service.

My prayer gave thanks for the women who made sacrifices to raise children. It also acknowledged that not all situations are perfect. Mothers stuggle. Not all mothers wanted their children. Not all women make good mothers. Some women care for other peoples children. We prayed for those who lost children, whose children have moved away, those who have lost mothers.

During Children's Moment we took time to honor the women who have nurtured our children. Many people consider Mother's Day a holiday created by greeting card companies or florists, so you may wonder why we make such a big deal at church. Actually the origins of this day are within the church. Some cultures celebrate Mother's day during Lent or 9 months before Christmas, both started in honor of Mary, Mother of Jesus. Some trace the history of the day back to the practice of honoring the Mother Church - kind of like homecoming. When you return to your Mother
church, you are often also visiting your parents. At one time Mother's Day was celebrated in June as Mother's for Peace Day. It was actually a call for mothers to encourage peace and reconciliation. Later, the push for a day set aside to honor mothers was started when there was a realization that children often fail to truly show reverence to their mothers until they have regrets after their mother's passing. But even the founders of mother's day later regretted how commercialized it became. The original intent was exactly what we try to do in church - set aside time to remind ourselves that we are commanded to honor our father and mother. We are to do this every day, but Sunday we set aside a time to be specific in honoring mothers.

What is a mother? The dictionary tells us that a Mother is a Female parent; Woman acting as parent; Originator; Protector or to mother is to take care of something with tenderness; give birth; bring something about. Yesterday we honored those women who are parents. We honored both the women who bore us and the women who bear with us.

While I tried to be very sensitve to all of the many situations present in the congregation, I must admit that I wanted to just say that I am very thankful my sweet little mother.

Together we can accomplish amazing things

I have given a lot of thought this week to the idea of true teamwork. In a discussion of the gifts of the Spirit, an insightful friend drew an interesting analogy. She referenced this week’s "Dancing with the Stars" where Cristian de la Fuente performed with a very serious injury to his left arm [which needs surgery]. Despite the injury, he was able to do lifts in both dances he performed. The 2nd was at the end of the dance & she reported that it was spectacular ending with his partner, Cheryl Burke, upside down over his right arm. My friend pointed out that the key is the fact that Cristian didn't do the lift. He was merely the platform for her; his "gift" was his strength & steadiness that allowed her to use her gifting for dance perform the maneuver. Those who have a lot of dance or cheerleading or gymnastic experience will recognize what she did. My friend’s point is that, even though he had that injury that should have kept them from performing, together they used their gifts to accomplish an amazing thing. She then asked: Wouldn't it be wonderful if we in the Church could do the same?

Tonight I read Kevin’s blog from earlier this week wherein he summarized his past Sunday – the day his youngest daughter Caroline was baptized. I was privileged enough to be able to participate in the service by laying hands with the three other pastors and anointing her with oil after the baptism. As part of the service I, along with the entire congregation, vowed to nurture one another in the Christian faith and life and include Caroline in our care, and surround her with a community of love and forgiveness. As members of the household of God, Caroline was entrusted to our love and care. We were instructed to do all in our power to increase her faith, confirm her hope and perfect her in love. And together we welcomed her in Christian love, renewed our covenant to participate faithfully in the ministries of the Church by our prayers, our presence, our gifts, and our service. Kevin commented that there should be some way to hold us accountable for these promises.

See paragraph one. If we all used our gifts together, what amazing things could be accomplished? If we step in to help out when another of us cannot perform at our peak, what spectacular things can be done?

During a LEGS [Let’s Enjoy God’s Spirit] discussion at church last night, one parent requested that when we see one of her sons misbehaving, that we step in and handle the situation. We discussed that sometimes parents are blinded to their children’s faults or are in denial about their behavior. (This is where Alicia would say that I do not suffer from this, as she thinks I always assume she is going to screw up.) We pointed out that often people don’t want to interfere, but that it is our responsibility to help nurture the children and youth of our church.

We are currently in a state of transition at our church. Our director of student ministries (children and youth) recently resigned. My background is in children and youth ministries, so I have been involved in programming the last few weeks. We are in the process of developing children and youth councils – groups of adults that can help plan, teach – nurture and love. Even before the departure of the director, we have been reminding the congregation that we all are needed to help raise these children. Tim has asked “Who will come forward and _____ for this child?” That blank could be pray, teach, keep nursery, volunteer at events. And now several people are stepping forward to make sure these children and youth do not fall through the cracks.

Thanks Kevin for reminding me that parents rely on the vows we make to their child. It takes a little teamwork to help guide these children on their spiritual journey. It takes being there when the parents are tired or distracted or just need an extra hand. We are to steer their children in the right direction, challenge them, nurture them and love them, support them. Do not let them down. Together, we can help these children accomplish amazing things.