my mother always said be careful what you say

Be careful what you say because you never know to whom you are talking. My mother always warned that it is a small world. The older I get the more I know my mother is right about a lot of things.

Being on a church staff means people will talk about you. Sometimes it is good; sometimes bad. People think nothing of sharing their opinions of politicians, football coaches and preachers. They do not consider this gossip. It is simply something we do. So I am quite used to being the subject of conversation among members of the churches I have served.

First let me admit that the most recent criticisms about me really can be traced back to a careless statement I made. I made an enemy at the church when I gave my opinion of Sarah Palin. And since then it has gone down hill. I can do no right.

Recently, a group gathered at the church for a social event. The group had two people present who do not normally attend. One happened to be the person who was offended by my Palin comments. Apparently at some time during their time together, the conversation turned to me. My critic shared her less than flattering opinion of me. I am not sure how many of the others chimed in. I am not sure if anyone pointed out any of my positive characteristics. All that was reported to me was that there quite a bit of Donna-bashing. Apparently it was not until the other non-regular attender was leaving that she shared with someone that she was related to me. Yes folks - you read correctly. All of the Donna-bashing occurred in front of a visitor who happens to be in my family.

Now, I do not fault the group for talking about me. I have been guilty of sitting with friends talking about a preacher. But I do think we need to all think about who is present when we have these discussions.

So my question for my critics today is: Would you like the names of other relatives so you can contact them all to tell them how ungodly I am?

The 10 Commandments of Blogging

I recently ran across a blog that outlined the 10 commandments of blogging. The Evangelical Alliance in the UK recently held a “Godblogs” conference wherein Christian bloggers gathered to discuss a Christian approach to blogging. During the event, the group decided to write a tongue in cheek set of commandments for bloggers. http://www.eauk.org/articles/blogging-ten.cfm

While this might not be my list, it made me think about how carefully we should write. Recent blog posts and emails have set off a fire storm for some of my very dear friends. It really has passed the point of ridiculous. When discussing it with another friend, he commented that he really did not get why people blog in the first place. He further commented that people should be very careful about what they post (if they feel the need to post) on blogs. As a business owner, he commented that recruiters often refer to blogs as a means of weeding out potential hires.

Now all of the craziness and the comments made me think and I have a few observations.

1. Stop and think about the ages of the people who read our blogs and "get it" and those who don't. Realizing that I am about on the cusp of this age division. I think that a lot of boomers and older don't like communication by emails and blogs. I think they read things too literally and are too easily offended. So are we also guilty of not "getting" them? Maybe it is a true generation gap issue.

2. Are we all being too self-focused? Are we chasing our tails trying to each prove that we are right? Are we so busy thinking about how we are going to respond to the latest rhetoric that we fail to listen to what our "opposition" is saying?

3. Although our blogs are our own thoughts and our opportunity to rant, once we have put these words out for all the world to see we have to accept that people can use our own words against us if they so desire. Those who understand us will accept that these posts are just ways to think out loud and work out our issues. Blogs are a way to journal and be able to look back and see how issues were resolved or not. Those who love and support us will allow us to do this without being judgmental or offended. But those who don't truly love will not understand our tone or our sarcasm or ever try to see our heart in what we write. Instead they will twist our words. They will read their own insecurities into our words. They will take things out of context. They will not refer back to previous posts to try to make sense of what we are writing.

My point? Assuming I actually have one, I suppose that it is: Writer Beware! Blog at your own risk. Think about what you write.

I find it very interesting that one person who has responded to a series of emails and posted comments on a blog has asked writers to think about how they would feel if people were saying things about them in this way. And then that person proceeds to attack people in much the way he has just accused them of attacking. Obviously he is not reading his own words. So I say to those who start emails or blogs and all those who add to the thread of comments: Try to find a way to convey your thoughts without belittling your opposition. In the words of Obama (which I do not claim to be an exact quote): We can disagree without being disrespectful.

Do Church People Make You Sick?

I will admit, that I often wish I could just puke after dealing with some church people. I understand why so many people are turned off by organized religion. Man.... What a self-righteous puffed-up bunch of idiots we can be. What I particularly love (please note the sarcasm) is that these people don't seem to understand that we are supposed to be striving to be Christ-like. Which means we are to be loving. Which means that we should be able to find a way to disagree without being disrespectful. And we certainly should not be underhanded, sneaky and manipulative.

Ironic that I should be irritated by people who attempt to manipulate others because I have been accused of such tactics on at least two recent occasions. Perhaps I should be flattered that some think I am capable of having so much power. But, in fact, I am a little irritated that people assume that (a) I would have the desire to manipulate the situations of which I am accused (b) the people that I am supposed to have manipulated are so weak and/or stupid that I would be able to manipulate them.

One of the poor saps over whom I allegedly I have so much power is a church associate. Some people do not like the direction we are headed, so obviously I have used my mysterious powers to brainwash people. I would just like to be clear that if I had that much power, there are a number of things we would be differently. Maybe appropriate secular music used in worship. Always using the entire liturgy for communion. Less Sunday afternoon meetings. Actual staff meetings. Disciple Bible Studies. Better communication. The list goes on.

But the church should really be worried if I had the power for which I get credit. In my personal life, the accusations go really extreme. Those accusations skirt right up to "casting spells" on people in order to take advantage of them - seducing them to my dark side. Let's face it - am just plain evil.

OK ladies. If I had all of this power, a lot of things would be different. First of all, as much as I have learned to love my current appointment, if I had such mind control, I doubt this would have been my appointment of choice. To be honest, if I was in control, I probably would never have wanted to leave HUMC. But if HUMC was not my option, I would be somewhere with a good alternative service, with a great technical set-up to be able to do some drama. I would have lots of children and youth. I would have a ton of talented actors. I would have people lined up to volunteer to help teach children and youth and work in the nursery. We would be doing innovative things in the community. We would rock. Everyone at my church would rationally discuss issues. We would all love each other. We would be spending all of our energy (usually used on conflict) reaching out in imaginative ways to make new disciples. church people would not be so stubborn and stupid. If only I had that power.

If I had the power you think I have, I would be free to pursue a certain romantic interest. Why the hell would I want to seduce someone with whom I can never have a real relationship. If I could really cast a spell - I would have gone all the way and either cast a spell on someone who is really available or cast a spell to make someone completely free and available to pursue a relationship.

If I had all of the power, there would be a cure for cancer.

If I had the power, Auburn would have a quarterback.

The economy would improve.

HUMC would be united.

People would truly be the church.

If I only had the power to control things the way people think.

GODISNOWHERE

What does the title say to you? Some people will read one thing while it will read totally differently to another. both readings would be correct. (although not both statements would be true.)

Did you read GOD IS NOWHERE? You might correctly read that. However, the statement might be more accurate if you read GOD IS NOW HERE.

The point is that we sometimes can look at the same thing, but see totally different things.

My friend Kevin wrote about differences of opinions today. this is certainly a time of year that highlights our differences of opinion. Although we may have these differences all year, it is now that our opinion of Alabama or Auburn (or UAB or LSU or Georgia or Tennessee, etc.) may may be highlighted. With only five weeks until the election, our opinions regarding Obama/Biden or McSame/Pain may be more evident.

I am often disappointed when people of faith cannot lovingly disagree. One reason I cannot listen to Rick & Bubba is that they ridicule and belittle anyone who does not think exactly like they do. I am disappointed when I read a pastor's condescending and judgmental email responses or comments on blogs. It disappoints me when people who claim to be Christians became hateful and disrespectful to those who don't see things they way they do.

GODISNOWHERE.

We can all look at the same things, but they can mean very different things to us. The important thing is that we recognize that different does not always mean wrong. (but sometimes it does)

Fireproof - the movie

Wednesday night at youth we asked what the church is supposed to be. I assigned one element of church to a youth or group of youth and asked them to convince the rest of us that their element was the most important. So for most of our time together we heard about why witness, support, instruction, fellowship, worship and service are important to the church being the church. If you are reading this now, I would like to know your thoughts.

Whether or not it is the most important, I cannot say, but fellowship is important. So tonight a group of us went to a movie and then dinner. Part of our LEGS (Let's Enjoy God's Spirit) group checked out Fireproof. You may know that this movie is the latest release from the people who brought us Facing the Giants. This time they have a professional actor - one with a name many recognize - Kirk Cameron. Otherwise, the acting is pretty much like that in Facing the Giants. That is really the first thing you notice about the movie - low budget, weak acting skills. But the movie is actually pretty good. There are some very funny characters. There is action. (dramatic rescues). And then of course there is the love story. Even my cold hearted self started to tear up. I might have actually cried until I got tickled at the synchronized sniffling of all of the other women (and some men) in the theatre. But then I don't think my neighbors appreciated my laughing at this tear-jerking part.

One thing the movie made me think about was that whether it is in a marriage or in a church, our selfishness creates a multitude of problems. Clear communication and caring are important in any relationship. If we are only concerned with our own agenda and what feels good to us at the time, we will continue to have problems. try listening to others. pay attention. And pray.

I leave you to swirl those thoughts in your brain. I am tired.

What is wrong with the church today?

Oh the fun of being on a church staff. People are quick to tell you what is wrong with the church. And to be honest there is a lot wrong with churches. All churches have problems. So if you think you need to change churches because of the problems, let me assure you that you will be just be leaving one set of problems for another. Point in fact - I have been monitoring discussion of two different churches with two very different sets of problems.

Of course since I am on staff at one church, there will be some people who will say that I am part of the problem at that church. I don't claim to be perfect. I don't claim to fit most people's idea of what their clergy should be. But I promise you that I am not as evil or crazy as some people seem to think. (Ok - I might be crazy. And I suppose I can be evil. But not evil and crazy at the same time.)

For some people, I have created a problem because in their minds their preacher should have penis. It will not matter what I do or don't do. It doesn't matter what I say or don't say. I simply cannot be a preacher because I female. That alone creates a controversy.

For others it is more complicated. I don't believe Halloween originated with the worship of evil. I don't appreciate e-mails with erroneous information about presidential candidates. I don't believe the war in Iraq was justified. I would dare to talk about current events of a sexual nature (teenage pregnancy, purity/promise rings) with the youth. I allow an unmarried mother to be teach children's church and be a youth counselor. So I must be evil and crazy.

Then I think some people are just unhappy, whiny-baby, complaining never-happy-about-anything idiots. And these people usually don't have the balls to tell you to your face that they have a problem with you. They just go around recruiting people to join in their whiny-baby ways. They pick apart every tiny thing you do. They criticize everyone around them. For example, a couple of months ago I had a parent tell me they had some concerns about one or two of the youth counselors, but they couldn't tell me anything specific that I could address. Since then, I have had a couple of issues with on which we did not see eye-to-eye. But she never addresses her concerns about me to my face. I have tried approaching her to deal with the issues directly, but she brushes me off. Tonight some her round the world ways of dealing with issues came up in a committee meeting and quite frankly it pissed me off. She was not even at the meeting, but by mentioning it to someone who would mention it to someone who would be the meeting, she basically accused two of my workers of stealing.

It all has to do with the honor system basket that we use for Wednesday night dinners. First, I think the person is wrong in their accusations. But even if she is right, it brings up the delicate balance - the question about whether a church should turn away someone who does not have the money to pay for dinner. At the risk of sounding like church leaders who accuse anyone who disagrees with them of being un-Christian, I must say that worrying over being $2 short on Wednesday night seems a little un-Christian.

It is obvious to me that all churches have problems. That is because churches are made of people. People are imperfect. People are selfish. People create problems.

ok i've waited as long as i could

I have avoided jumping on the political blog bandwagon, but events and comments over the last week or so have pushed me straight to said bandwagon.

Today I emailed several people asking if they thought Jesus was a liberal or conservative (or neither - perhaps something else). This came about because of political ads about liberals about politicians I don't even know and more personal comments regarding whether or not I am too liberal.

First let me note that liberal and conservative are relative terms. If I am more traditional than you, you would describe me as a conservative while someone who is even more traditional would describe me as liberal. The division of the world into "liberal" and "conservative" is kind of restrictive. It has to be one way or the other. We define everything as either liberal or conservative even though it is difficult to even define these terms.

On many issues I would probably describe myself as conservative. But I am quite sure I do not want to be lumped in that group if the picture of conservative is Sarah Palin. What a scary thought! So scary that someone today said that they would spend the next several months praying Obama is elected, but if for some reason McCain becomes president, they would have to spend the next 4 years praying for his good health and long life. Perhaps that is why McCain selected Palin - so all of us would be praying that Palin has no opportunity for becoming president.

Please people!!!! I do not believe a mother has to stay home with her children to be a good mother. But I do wonder if she has had time to adjust to life with a special needs child. And I wonder why the same conservative people who have for years said that the problem with society is that moms care more about their careers than staying home to raise their children now think that it is admirable for Palin to work outside the home. I do not fault her for having a unwed pregnant teenage daughter. But I do think she is extremely selfish to throw that daughter under the bus of a media frenzy. Being 17 is tough. Being 17 and pregnant is tougher. Being 17, pregnant and have the whole world watching your every move has got to be hell. You have to think Palin knew that the world would find out and it would be a big story. But the advancement of her political career was more important than her daughter. So is she just so selfish she did not care? Or is she one of those tough love kind of moms? You know - you got yourself into this mess so you will just have to deal with the consequences. Or was she really so naive that she did not think it would be a big deal? Any of these options make for a scary leader of our country.

Scary is seeing the after-convention bump in the McCain/Palin ticket in the polls. Scary is listening to people still justifying this war. Now it is not about weapons of mass destruction. It is not even about oil. It is a religious war. That was not the stated policy when we went to war. But recently I have had people tell me that the war in Iraq is a religious war - because all Muslims want to kill Christians. And Sarah Palin has stated that it is God's war - God's plan. Really? God planned the invasion? It would be nice to think that somebody had a plan, but I think God is smart enough to have a better plan.

So people can think I am too liberal if they want. I would rather be too liberal than some conservative crazy religious right selfish stupid bitch. Perhaps that seems harsh. But I think she has popped up on the scene as a pompous, self-righteous, self-absorbed diva.

Please people. Comment on this? Is the war God's plan? Is Palin an admirable woman or lunatic? I would love to read your thoughts.