My Respect to Aunt Dot and Uncle Frank

When I got home tonight and listened to the answering machine tonight, I knew something was wrong. My mother's voice: "Donna, this is your mother. Call me as soon as you get home." It sounded serious. I wondered why she did not call me on my cell phone, but noted that at the time of her call I was conducting a premarital counseling class.

When I called my mother back and first heard her voice, I had the feeling she was going to tell me of the death of her best friend from high school with whom she has continued a friendship nearly 70 years. That was my gut feeling from her tone. She recently spoke of the friend's declining health. Instead she told me that a couple with whom my parents have been friends for many years had been in a car accident. I called this couple Aunt Dot and Uncle Frank, but they were not actually blood relatives. Aunt Dot and my father had been friends since childhood. They grew up in the same church. When each of them married, their spouses went to the same church. So my parents and Aunt Dot and Uncle Frank all became close friends. Both couples moved from Woodlawn to the South East Lake / Roebuck area. Aunt Dot and Uncle Frank's daughters were the same ages as my middle siblings. We all went to the same high school. Our families remained close. When our home church closed, we kept in touch, even though we not longer attended the same church. A bonus of the Methodist church being a connectional church is that we could easily keep each with each other at district events or I could ask their pastor about them. Or because it is a small world, a friend at HUMC discovered that his walking buddy at the mall, who attended Trussville UMC had known me all of my life because of West Woodlawn UMC.

Sadly, Aunt Dot some how lost control of the vehicle she was driving yesterday and hit a tree. As a result, both Aunt Dot and Uncle Frank died. Tonight when I was looking at the Bham News blog regarding the accident, I noted bickering breaking out in the comments section. This seemed to arise from some one's comment that if there was a silver lining is was that they went together. I do not take offense to such a comment, but someone did and an argument started. I do not know what all was said because some comments had been removed as offensive by the time I read the blog. But I thought it was very sad that people who did not even know this couple were passionately arguing over whether there was a silver lining in the event.

Here's my take. Two people who had been married for many years, who had two daughters and two grandchildren, who were active in the church, who were hard-working, fine Christian people died at the same time. They lived together. They served together. They died together. It makes it very difficult for their daughters and grandchildren. But as one person commented, the way they died together is like the end of some romantic movie. It is bittersweet.

No mater what your take on this, my Aunt Dot and Uncle Frank deserve more respect than for total strangers to get in a childish name-calling argument on a blog reporting their death.

So here is to two lives well-spent.

Does Anyone Really Understand Marriage

I have recently had two friends whose weddings were called off within two weeks of the scheduled date. Both called off by the groom-to-be. Both men initially said they still loved and wanted to be involved with the bride-to-be; they just did not want to marry them. One wonders why they got engaged in the first place.

I have another friend who does not want to be with their spouse, but they apparently want to stay married to them. They do not want to live in the same household. They dread spending time with their spouse. They resent almost everything their spouse does. But they do not believe it would be right to divorce them.

So some people want to be with someone, even live with someone; they just don't want to be married. Others don't want to spend time or live with a person, but feel they need to stay legally married.

What do these people think marriage is? One definition is a legally recognized relationship, established by a civil or religious ceremony, between two people who intend to live together as sexual and domestic partners. Simplistically, I would ask why would you want to stay married to someone with whom you no longer share a sexual relationship, common interests or even live in the same house? And why would people want to purchase a house together, live as sexual and domestic partners, but deny one partner the marriage contract with which they would feel more comfortable.

I realize that there are some financial or security benefits to staying legally married even if you no longer live together. And I understand that on the other side of the coin some people are just opposed to the legality or formality of marriage. I understand that some people have a true commitment without feeling the need for "a piece of paper."

I know there are some couples who wish they could have that legal option to be with their domestic partner. Interesting that one of the first gay couples to get married in California when it became legal had been committed without the legality for several decades. Interesting that gay couples fight hard for the right to marry their partner.

So what makes a marriage? Is it the commitment that is important? The legal documentation? The wedding ceremony?

I don't have a real point here. Just thoughts that have come to mind while observing recent events. And people wonder why I have never re-married. People have some *%#&$! up ideas about marriage.

And Lead Us Not Into Temptation

Last Sunday I gave Tim the day off for Father's Day. I preached a sermon in a series about the Lord's Prayer. To be honest, this was one of the times I would have to agree with the critics who say I cannot preach. It just didn't seem to flow the way I thought it should. People were complimentary as they left the church. People said they liked the Pinocchio analogy. But I still wondered what I could have done better.

I had a good intro. Chris played the video of a 2-year-old singing The Lord's Prayer that is the popular now. That was the perfect lead in to my opening of: A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end. . . "And lead us not into temptation", she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen.” Cute story. But how true that we understand email more than we recognize evil. Today we consider the final petition of the Lord’s Prayer which is two-fold; Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. . .

I got good feedback: Nodding heads when I pointed out that some of us have been reciting the prayer for years, others are just learning it, but what is important is that we learn to live it. Chuckles when a picture of Pinocchio and Jiminy Cricket came on the screen as I said this is what came to mind when I thought about examples of temptation. We reviewed the Blue Fairy telling Pinocchio he must learn to choose between right and wrong and how she and Jiminy Cricket told Pinocchio about a conscience and Jiminy warned Pinocchio that the world is full of temptation. Everyone still seemed to be with me when I noted that if a wooden dummy like Pinocchio can learn from his mistakes and listen to a less-than-perfect cricket, surely we can learn the lessons Jesus showed us through his prayer.

But as I moved on to talk about the types of temptations and why we are tempted, I just did not feel like the message was flowing as well as it should for all the time I spent working on this. Was I really being the vessel for God's message? Or was I just babbling Donna crap?

Maybe I was just being overly sensitive because I had read the letters from a couple who said I could not preach. Tim assured me that it was a good sermon, but suggested that maybe it didn't feel the same to me because it was more of a teaching sermon than an inspirational sermon. A very close friend suggested that maybe I felt rushed because recognition of fathers and other parts of worship gave me a late start. But I have to question if it was not because it seems hypocritical to preach on overcoming temptation when, in fact, I often seem to give in to it.

As Christians, we are in a constant fight with the desires of our sinful natures. We constantly need God's guidance to keep our needs and desires in proper balance. I can preach that, but I am not sure I live it. Just the fact that I have gained a stone in the last year should tell you that I have given into temptation. But my lack of willpower with regard to food is not the only area in which I feel I have failed to be the best person I could possibly be.

I struggle every day. Almost everyone does. So here is one point I made Sunday. Jesus' example did not say 'lead ME not into temptation,' but rather 'lead US not into temptation.' I pointed out that Pinocchio had a fairy and a cricket. We have the example of Jesus, the grace of God and the guidance of the Holy Spirit standing ready to help us resist temptation AND we have the support of other Christians. So remember to support your friends. Pray for them. Help them stay on the right path. Because it is hard to resist temptation by yourself.

How Donna Got Her Groove Back

Hello. My name is Donna and I am an addict. I thought I had outgrown my habit and have stayed out of it for a while. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I fell back into it. My addiction? Youth and children's ministries.

Friday night when I found myself sitting in the middle of a parking lot with youth from church, I knew I was back. Not sitting in a car in the parking lot. Sitting on the ground in the middle of the parking lot talking about baptism, confirmation, youth trips, youth fund-raising. It was so natural. It is who I am.

Now, I will admit that I am not entirely sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I really felt like I was back in my groove just being with these youth. One could argue that this is a good thing. I have had gentlemen friends in the past express concern that I spend too much time with youth. And I usually think they just don't understand me at all. But this weekend I realized that I need have to balance things differently for this church gig.

When I did youth work before, it was my main church responsibility. Youth work came before becoming clergy. By the time I was clergy, I had passed the youth torch for the most part. I was still around and actively involved in youth ministry, but someone else was "in charge" of the youth and I was transitioning into the college and young adult program. And as one of several clergy on staff, I did was not in the black robe every weekend.

Now I need to continue my associate pastor responsibilities, oversee children and youth programs, while not neglecting my "real" job in the law office or my personal life. News flash: I have a personal life. And a "real" job. But I find that I get more and more calls and e-mails related to the church when I am at the law office. And at least twice this week, someone special to me has had to wait for me longer than expected while I have been handling church stuff.

Someone once reported that I have a passion for children and youth. At the time I wondered if I really had a passion for young people generally or if the passion was just for a particular group of children and youth to whom I had become close. I guess the answer is that I generally have a passion for youth and children's ministry. I have always said that I have been able to be good at this calling because, being single, I have been readily available to children and youth. Maybe rather than being availalbe because I am single, I am single because I am often willing to be available for the kids.

I am working on getting into my balanced groove because I love doing student ministry, I love most aspects of my "real" job and I love my family and friends who also need my time.

Things are starting to groove as we just completed VBS, we are planning youth week, we created a children's council who met tonight and planned some great summer events. A family weekend is planned. People are on board for working together to carry out student ministry. And the plans are for true worshipful ministries - not just having a youth group or babysitting children.

Yes - exciting things are happening. Come groove with us.