Focus on the solution

This morning the Today Show had a segment on driving safety in hazardous, winter conditions. They gave several tips. One thing really caught my attention. But not because I plan to drive on icy roadways anytime soon. When instructing what to do when in a skid, they advised "Look in the direction you want to go - not in the direction you are skidding. In other words: Focus on the solution - not on the problem." Good advice for driving. Great advice for life.

Often we focus only on our problems. We bitch and moan about our situation. We find fault with everyone. We have a pity party. So we continue in our skid - heading for a crash.

Instead we should focus on the solution. We should look in the direction we want to go. Visualize where we want to be. There we may be able to maneuver our way to a straighter path.

Focus on the solution - not on the problem.

Remembering Paul

Life has been so busy, I haven't found time to blog. Actually I've hardly had time to think - so there were no real thoughts to share. But I did want to take just a moment to remember my friend, Paul. This past Monday would have been Paul's birthday. We celebrated his last birthday in a hospital room at UAB's cancer center.

A few days earlier I had given him a NY Yankees Santa hat. I had ordered the hat much earlier to be part of his birthday present. But I gave him the hat when I went to visit after his surgery for a brain tumor. That might have been the best used gift I have ever given. Because his head had been shaved for the surgery, he wore the hat often in the hospital. He wore it as we all crowded in his room to celebrate his birthday. We took the other gifts we had purchased. Some were "nicer" gifts. But I think that hat was his favorite and most useful.

We knew last year that the situation was serious. But I am not sure that any of us had accepted that this would be the last birthday we would celebrate with Paul in this world. He left us much sooner than expected.

So December 10th arrived. For the first time in nearly 2 decades, I had no reason to search for some unique Yankees gift. Alicia seemed sad as the day approached. But now we have been through this milestone.

Rather than being sad, we are to celebrate the life of our loved one. So today I remember Paul - my good friend. A good and loving father and grandfather. A hard-working, dedicated businessman. A kind and generous soul. A well-respected gentleman. A person with a positive attitude. A special person in my life and a great influence on Alicia. Here is to a life well-lived.

To Paul - we love you and miss you.

The Rumor Mill

Hmmmm... From what choir tour is that song? Wish I could remember the words. Might be relevant now.

Anyway - I have been amused at all of the speculation of what coach is going where. So many news reports and blogs from "credible sources," but all with conflicting information.

It reminds me of any time there is a partners' meeting at the law firm. Whether it is an official scheduled meeting or just at least two partners talking in an office, someone will speculate that something big is going down. Ironically, usually when it is something really big, we never had a clue.

Churches are no different. People think they should be. They hope they would be. Wish they could be. But churches are full of people. And people talk and make assumptions and jump to conclusions.

Whether it is in the sports world, an office or life in general, some people can get all worked up jumping to conclusions. And often it is difficult to sort through all of the crap and figure out what is real. To be honest, I only bother when I think it might be really important. Eventually the truth comes out. Why bother listening to rumors and investigating information if I have no control or cannot contribute?

Do I have any influence in hiring coaches? Do I have any control over end-of-the-year financial decisions at a business? Is it up to me to determine who is really needy or not when trying to help people at Christmas? Do I need to know how each member of the congregation feels about female clergy? Can I truly know anyone else's heart?

Just reflecting. I made a commitment earlier this year to try not to get involved in rumors. Try not to talk bad about others. Trying to live by the example of a few fine men who died earlier this year - inspired by the words spoken at their funerals - I wanted someone to be able to say that I never spoke a bad word of anyone. (So I have to outlive a lot of my friends who have heard be say not-so-nice things.) Often when we start listening to all of the conflicting stories arising from an issue, we get our blood pressure up and criticize those involved. As we enter Advent, let's pause to think about the important things. Don't get caught up in conflict.

(But I want Tommy T to stay; I like Christmas bonuses; I can only hope that any contribution I give during Christmas drives will help someone who really needs it or will help someone feel loved; and I hope my time in conservative hell will benefit those who need to be more open minded and help me to see where I may need to be open to another way of thinking.)

So what is rumor and what is really news? The Good News is that Advent is here. Time to prepare for Christmas and the reminder of the important News.

Life is too short to be miserable all the time

Since we are in a hurry for it to be Christmas, I will take the liberty of having year-end reflection before the end of the year.

The last year has been full of changes. Church changes. Losses of loved ones due to death or relocation. Marriages. Births. Divorces. Many changes.

Just this weekend I was reflecting on how fragile life is. The news this weekend has been of the outbreak of violence - a deadly weekend - in our metro area. The family of one victim commented about how quickly life changes. Several times a week I drive past the site of a recent car accident that took 4 lives, one of which was close to our family. Four young people who thought they had many years ahead of them. Four families who had plans for the future. Thought they had time to work out details. Thought they had time to say or do things that had gone unsaid or undone. But in how quickly that changes.

Death is not the only sad change. Over the weekend I learned of of several people who have decided to divorce. Some of them a have been married over 20 years. Some couples should probably try to work things out. Some of them probably should have divorced a long time ago.

Which brings me to my point. At the risk of sounding too cliche, life is short. Each minute is a blessing. And the moments we waste being angry, depressed, worried, hateful or sad cannot be regained. My friends who are experiencing marital problems - if you can find a way to work things out and be happy, work hard to rekindle the love that brought you together in the first place. If you are constantly hateful to each other, miserable all the time and only feel resentment rather than love - why do you stay together? To my friends who hate their jobs - should you look for a new job? Or maybe a complete change of careers? To my friends who are not happy at their church - have you prayed about the situation? Is there something you can do about the situation? Have you considered if you are in the right place?

Life is too short to be miserable. Evaluate your situation. What can you do to improve your circumstances? Don't just sit around and whine, moan and bitch about the situation. Take action. Do what you can to make your life better.

It is not Christmas yet people!

Ok. If it is not bad enough that retail establishments want to start the Christmas season earlier and earlier each year, now individual households and even some churches are confused about the seasons.

The streets leading to my house are inhabited by people who decorate the hell out of their yards for any occasion. Bunnies adorn the lawns in the spring. Inflatable monsters, skeletons, witches, scarecrows, bales of hay, mums, etc. appear as early as September. On November 1, the hay, scarecrows and mums stay, but the other decorations are replaced with giant turkeys. This past weekend the turkeys and scarecrows were joined by Santas and Christmas lights and trees. Why not just put up the New Year's Baby, hearts, leprechauns, bunnies, eggs, flags, witches, ghosts, scarecrows, turkeys, Aubie or Big Al, Santas and lights all together and leave them up all year?

(Tanya, if you are reading this - my complaint of rushing the season is not the same as friends who still have their tree up in July because they could not bear to take it down.)

And if our speedy secular season was not irritating enough, there are those who are confused about the Christian year. It is not Christmas yet. It is not even Advent yet.

I saw a news story about a store in some other state that has made a point to delay Christmas until after Thanksgiving. They have signs like "Let's talk turkey, then we can talk Christmas" and "Santa was not on the Mayflower."

So, let's take time to be thankful. Let's take time to prepare. Don't rush the year. Don't rush life.

To Be or Not To Be

That is the question. Or one of the questions. Most other pastors I know will tell you that they struggled with accepting a call to be clergy. Some resisted it for a short while. Others ran from it for many years. Then there are those of us who finally accept the call, but constantly question if this is still the right thing. Or question if we are in the right place.

Whether one is clergy or not, it is good to evaluate where we are and consider if we are doing what God would desire for us. Are we using the talents with which God blessed us? Are we doing enough? Or we doing too much? Perhaps we are trying to do so much for the church or our community that we are failing to do God's work efficiently.

It is good to evaluate our obstacles. Are they placed there like speed bumps to slow us down? Are they meant to make us completely stop and turn around? Or are they challenges we are meant to overcome to make us stronger?

Obstacles and frustrations have recently been littering my path. Good friends have been both supportive and challenging. For these friends I am thankful.

Just a thought for the evening.

What is family?

a group of people who are closely related by birth, marriage, or adoption

a group of people living together and functioning as a single household, usually consisting of parents and their children

all the people who are descended from a common ancestor

a group whose members are related in origin, characteristics, or occupation


I have a group of friends with whom I spend a great deal of time. We consider ourselves family. We confide in each other. We rely on each other. We support each other. We have fun together. When one of us is in need, the others do our best to fill that need. We have a bond that goes beyond a blood connection. Unless, of course, you count the sacrificial blood of Christ. While we do not all currently attend the same church, we all have a connection through the church. And that connection - that bond - is so strong, that even circumstances that would lead us to worship in different locations on Sunday morning cannot break the closeness we share.

Which leads me to ponder - how can others connect with each other. Another minister recently asked how we could determine and meet the needs of people in our community, in our own churches. What committees or service groups should be set up to help new moms, etc. Maybe I am way off base, but I thought about my group of friends. No church committee was necessary to establish our closeness. No pastor is contacted and asked to organize a meal or visit when one of us is sick. We take care of each other because we care about each other. So rather than establish groups and committees to learn the needs and help meet these needs of families, shouldn't we encourage small group participation and opportunities to build loving relationships? And shouldn't our members take responsibilities to become involved in groups and ministries within the church and establish friendships with other members?

So when we talk about church family, we should be trying to establish a real bond. This should not just be a figure of speech.