I'm Back

Let me touch base while I have a moment to catch a breath. I do not mean to imply that I am busier than anyone else. In fact, I think our culture encourages us to live life at high speed. But it seems that the last couple of months have been busier than normal for me. Full trial schedule at the law office. Youth week, children's activities, new ministry preparations, meetings, etc. kept things crazy at church. And believe it or not, I do have a life beyond law and church. But a lot of my life outside these areas has been spent treating an injured back. So many activities have been limited.

Then today someone told me to me sure to take time some "me" time - time to relax; time to take care of myself. In the last couple of months, clergy in our conference have suffered three heart attacks and one stroke. Many more clergy are suffering burnout. So despite the fact that my schedule has not really let up, I am taking my "me" time to express some thoughts here. To vent.

I am fed up with selfish people. Now I realize we are selfish by nature. How many children have to be taught to be selfish? We come out of the womb selfish little savages with no thought for anyone but ourselves! We come into the world demanding our way. Feed me! Change me! Pay attention to me! The world revolves around me!

As we get older we learn that obvious acts of selfishness are socially unacceptable. But we are still selfish. We may try to overcome it. We may strive to be more selfless or maybe we just find more subtle ways to be selfish. Or maybe we just become blinded to our selfish acts.

It’s easy to see selfishness in other people, but not always easy to see in ourselves. Part of the problem in seeing it may be that there are different degrees of selfishness. Some people may be blatantly and openly selfish. Often our selfishness is more subtle and more refined.

I recently read an article about the sin of selfishness. It was actually about a sermon on "respectable sins" and how we have come to tolerate the sin of selfishness. This sermon/article talked about areas in which we are selfish - our interests, our money, our time.

A good test of the degree of selfishness in our interests would be to reflect on our conversations and ask ourselves just how much time is spent talking about ourselves and what interests us compared to letting others talk about themselves and what interests them. We all know the person that tells us all about their children/grandchildren or their latest accomplishments or issue.

Although we like to think we are generous, statistic indicate that most of us are kind of stingy with our money. We’d rather keep our money for ourselves. Some studies show that less than four percent of North American Christians tithe. God has given us so much and only asks for 10% in return. Yet, we are lack the faith to do as God asks and give back what is rightfully his and trust that he will provide our needs and more. This can be frustrating when you work in a church. People expect you to have wonderful programming. People want to know what the church is going to do for them. They do not seem to get that their lack of financial giving limits our capabilities for programing and ministry.

We’re all busy and it’s easy to become selfish with our time. In addition to being selfish by guarding our time, we can also be selfish when we impose on someone else’s time. Either way, we’re thinking of ourselves and not the other person. This attitude of "my time is more important than yours" is one that I see often. It ranges from people backing out of commitments at church or to people who make excuses why they can't do something at work. In either case they are both being stingy with their time AND imposing on someone else's time (someone else has to cover their commitment).

These inconsiderate people simply don’t think about the impact of their actions on other people. They see selfishness in others, but miss their own.

Like people in my office that will tell me what a team player they are and how they like to help others whenever possible, but refuse to take calls when a co-worker is out or take their lunch without making sure there is still someone in their department. Or those who think they are kind and considerate people, but say the are too busy to cover an hour answering the phone when the receptionist is out sick. Or those who never consider trial schedules or co-workers schedules when they take flex time or vacation. They never realize that these actions impact others. They never see the selfishness in their actions.

Like people at church who commit to a ministry and then bail out half way through a project. Or those who sign up for an event and then back out when something better comes along. Or those who plan an event or see the need for a ministry, but expect someone else to execute the details. They do not see that they are imposing on someone else's time.

So thanks to those who step up to help. Thanks to those who fulfill their commitments. Thanks to those who take time to consider how their actions affect others. Thanks to those who strive to be selfless, kind and considerate.