Do Church People Make You Sick?

I will admit, that I often wish I could just puke after dealing with some church people. I understand why so many people are turned off by organized religion. Man.... What a self-righteous puffed-up bunch of idiots we can be. What I particularly love (please note the sarcasm) is that these people don't seem to understand that we are supposed to be striving to be Christ-like. Which means we are to be loving. Which means that we should be able to find a way to disagree without being disrespectful. And we certainly should not be underhanded, sneaky and manipulative.

Ironic that I should be irritated by people who attempt to manipulate others because I have been accused of such tactics on at least two recent occasions. Perhaps I should be flattered that some think I am capable of having so much power. But, in fact, I am a little irritated that people assume that (a) I would have the desire to manipulate the situations of which I am accused (b) the people that I am supposed to have manipulated are so weak and/or stupid that I would be able to manipulate them.

One of the poor saps over whom I allegedly I have so much power is a church associate. Some people do not like the direction we are headed, so obviously I have used my mysterious powers to brainwash people. I would just like to be clear that if I had that much power, there are a number of things we would be differently. Maybe appropriate secular music used in worship. Always using the entire liturgy for communion. Less Sunday afternoon meetings. Actual staff meetings. Disciple Bible Studies. Better communication. The list goes on.

But the church should really be worried if I had the power for which I get credit. In my personal life, the accusations go really extreme. Those accusations skirt right up to "casting spells" on people in order to take advantage of them - seducing them to my dark side. Let's face it - am just plain evil.

OK ladies. If I had all of this power, a lot of things would be different. First of all, as much as I have learned to love my current appointment, if I had such mind control, I doubt this would have been my appointment of choice. To be honest, if I was in control, I probably would never have wanted to leave HUMC. But if HUMC was not my option, I would be somewhere with a good alternative service, with a great technical set-up to be able to do some drama. I would have lots of children and youth. I would have a ton of talented actors. I would have people lined up to volunteer to help teach children and youth and work in the nursery. We would be doing innovative things in the community. We would rock. Everyone at my church would rationally discuss issues. We would all love each other. We would be spending all of our energy (usually used on conflict) reaching out in imaginative ways to make new disciples. church people would not be so stubborn and stupid. If only I had that power.

If I had the power you think I have, I would be free to pursue a certain romantic interest. Why the hell would I want to seduce someone with whom I can never have a real relationship. If I could really cast a spell - I would have gone all the way and either cast a spell on someone who is really available or cast a spell to make someone completely free and available to pursue a relationship.

If I had all of the power, there would be a cure for cancer.

If I had the power, Auburn would have a quarterback.

The economy would improve.

HUMC would be united.

People would truly be the church.

If I only had the power to control things the way people think.